There's something significant I've learned today. "YOU CANNOT FIGHT A SPIRITUAL BATTLE WITH NATURAL WEAPONRY." Jordan Campbell 3.26.20 It's been an intense season. ONE in which I truthfully did not see coming. It happened so quickly. One moment I'm riding the high of KNOWING I was walking in God's perfect will for my life... and experiencing intense blessings. I KNOW where I began to misstep. It doesn't take long at all for the enemy to steal your KEYS from you after you willingly lay them down. Once you make that choice, to step out of God's will, and continue to do so... be prepared for repercussion. It's GOD'S GOODNESS, yes HIS GOODNESS that allows our mistakes to break us. I've said it in my posts online, I even created a ten-minute devotional on the subject of brokenness. It can easily creep up on you, through your own weaknesses. When you don't CONSTANTLY take the toxic thoughts captive--the outcome will always be the same. Emptiness. A few thoughts triggering anger, bitterness, discouragement.. disappointment can all lead you on a tail spin into self-deception, and PRIDE. It isn't ENOUGH to KNOW of the Knowledge that can save you. YOU MUST KNOW THE PERSON, in an intimate, continued relational way.

HOW.. I sit here perplexed at how after everything I HAVE FOUGHT for could I possibly end up in what looks uncomfortably familiar. A wilderness, a dry place. Life's circumstances and situations certainly have their toll on ANYONE. I know there is so much internal dialogue going on when we are no longer busy. The distractions from our brokenness can only last so long. After everyone is in bed, they get the loudest. The accuser starts to whisper in your ear, condemning your actions from the day. Your words weren't always gently spoken. You didn't play enough, or give enough to those whom needed you MOST. Above everything else as I sit here still digging at the root(s) of my descent ... I have another revelation of my missteps. Relationships. All of our earthly relationships reflect the state in which our relationship with our Heavenly Father stands. Blinded... I've been absolutely blindsided by the enemy. Not only has he stolen MY KEYS to The Kingdom of God, but he's stolen so much more here too. The shame. I am ashamed. The anger. I am angry at MYSELF. How could I betray My Precious Jesus, grieve The Holy Spirit and drive Father God to jealousy? The biggest answer I see is, HURT. I'm HURTING. Fighting the "good fight." My Faith was overcome by fear, allowing a foothold for the enemy.. my AGREEMENT.. my INTROSPECTION , complaining, unmet expectations and LIFE in general. Self-centered and Self-righteousness led me here. "I don't DESERVE xyz, I DESERVE xyz because the BIBLE says so!" I just sank deeper, and deeper into the sea of selfishness. I stopped seeking God. To fill the voids from not receiving LOVE from My Father in Heaven I turned back into a control addict, food addict, CHOCOLATE addict.... self-destructive behaviors of controlling all I COULD because I REFUSED to SURRENDER. The last few weeks all I've done is dig and dig at the root causes of my manifested symptoms. That free will. Deuteronomy 30. We get to CHOOSE... which in my current situation is WONDERFUL news. If I chose to control my own life, I can now CHOOSE LIFE through Jesus.

Digging out of the grave is never simple. Stubbornness seems to continuously FIGHT against your DESIRE to instantaneously be REDEEMED by the PRECIOUS blood of Jesus..that you KNOW has set you FREE the last go-round of seeking yourself instead of GOD. The current self-talk taking place is as follows. Each time you decide you will completely surrender, and start seeing that LIGHT above you-- you fall back down into the pit. You fall into some frustration, knowing you've started to FINALLY recognize the errors of your ways. After all, you've worked through so much healing of your past wounds. Why then, are you still experiencing these same negative scripts?? Our identities CONSTANTLY come under attack. We can see this happening to Jesus in Matthew 4:1-4 "Afterward, the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the lonely wilderness in order to reveal his strength against the accuser by going through the ordeal of testing. And after fasting for forty days, Jesus was extremely weak and famished. Then the tempter came to entice him to provide food by doing a miracle. So he said to Jesus, "How can you possibly BE THE SON OF GOD and go hungry? Just order these stones to be turned into loaves of bread." He answered, "The Scriptures say: Bread alone will not satisfy, but true life is found in every word which constantly goes forth from God's mouth." There are several points that are hitting my heart in this specific passage. The Holy Spirit led Jesus there, how ironic right? It reminds me that God has not left us ill-equipped to OVERCOME temptations. 2 Peter 1:3 says, "Everything we could ever need for life and godliness has already been DEPOSITED in us by his divine power. For all this was lavished upon us through the rich experience of knowing him who has called us BY NAME [JORDAN] (so I will personalize this scripture and write it down for memorization along with many others I have hidden in my heart.) and invited us to come to him through a glorious manifestation of his goodness. As a result of this, he has given you magnificent promises that are beyond all price, so that through the power of these tremendous promises you can experience partnership with the divine nature, by which you have escaped the corrupt desires that are of the world."

So, then as BELIEVERS our responses to EVERY LIE, however big or small... we MUST practice Spiritual Authority over by taking it CAPTIVE 2 Corinthians 10:5. This is no easy task. Experts estimate that the mind thinks between 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day. That's an average of 2500 – 3,300 thoughts per hour. That's incredible. Other experts estimate a smaller number, of 50,000 thoughts per day, which means about 2100 thoughts per hour. I can personally guarantee most of them are not positive thoughts no matter how much you watch your mind traffic. I recently started to take more diligent steps towards capturing these thoughts by implementing these practical steps into my daily routine.

Step 1

Take out a piece of paper or open a writing software on your computer or mobile.

Step 2

List EVERY negative thought you have. Once you’ve listed everything down, don’t stop. Dig deeper and write more thoughts about:

Your fears
Your insecurities
Your losses
Things that stress you out regularly
List your unmet expectations and pray through those.
Traumas that come to mind and how/when those get triggered
Any guilt, shameful, or condemning thought

Step 3

Make another column or a separate list.

Now, for every negative thought, feeling and emotion write at least one positive thought.

If you fear failure, write one instance when failure helped you to learn a lesson.
If you’re insecure about your skills, write how much you’ve improved since you started.
If you’ve lost a relationship in the past, write about the beautiful time you spent with each other.
If you stress about work, write how your work is serving other people.
If you don’t like your coworker’s behavior, write about one positive thing about that person.

Step 4

Make a third column, or use the second in this way. This is the most important as you've uncovered and brought out from hiding these toxic thoughts, now is the time to apply THE WORD of God to each one. So, we are responding to the enemy JUST as Jesus did in John 4.

Example 1; a fear of mine is repeating harmful behaviors my parents wounded my soul with as I was growing up. My positive' thought' to that would be scripture based Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Because I KNOW from how my life has played out THIS IS TRUTH!
Example 2; an insecurity is that I am not a good mother, and will ruin my daughter in the same manner emotionally as had been inflicted upon me. My positive response to this LIE has to be this - "I am a good mother, and through the Power of THE HOLY SPIRIT and agreement with HIM I will BE THE mother HE HAS called me to be. Apart from Him I have NO GOOD THING anyway. Psalm 16:2 "I say to the Lord, "YOU are MY LORD; apart from you I have no good thing." Meaning when I listen to these lies, dwell on them, BELIEVE them.. I disconnect myself from THE TRUTH. John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing--(nothing good).
Example 3; Things that stress me out regularly are, drum roll, parenting my daughter correctly as God desires in order to raise her into a passionate Jesus Follower. This stresses me out for so many reasons, one of them is I seemingly feel I'm failing miserably at doing so. The positive here is, she is young enough I can correct where I am notably going wrong on my part. Philippians 4:13 " I can do ALL THINGS through Christ (not on MY OWN!) who GIVES me STRENGTH.
Example 4; Unmet expectations which lead to disappointment and discouragement. Proverbs 13:12, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." So "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23 When our MAIN desire is to PLEASE GOD we WON'T lose heart. It's always when we go from pleasing God to pleasing OURSELVES things always go array. Our hearts must be loyal to God above EVERY OTHER DESIRE. I believe this is ONLY possible to achieve when we are fully ALIVE IN CHRIST meaning we HAVE DIED to OURSELVES.

The song.. "The God Who Stays," is not only playing RIGHT NOW, but God has used my daughter to Minister to me through it. I believe it's a beautiful example how when we trust in the finished work of the cross, nothing can separate us from His Love. We, can separate OURSELVES by living in OUR PAST. Renewing our minds, focusing on the eternal not these temporary troubles and CHOOSING to allow God to walk with us on our journey are steps we can take out of our desolation. Ultimately surrendering our will to God's will and allowing the Holy Spirit to meet us in the mess and repenting from our erroneous ways will redeem us.

Listening to the book by Dr. Caroline Leaf, "THE PERFECT YOU,"

really helped me recognize where I had taken my first wrong turn. Thoughts. In her book she explains how our thoughts, feelings and emotions if not thoroughly vetted the can turn into debilitating choices. The ONE thing WE CAN CHANGE is OUR REACTIONS and ATTITUDES towards our circumstances. Focusing on fear creates toxic effects in our bodies. This ultimately leads to mental ill health. WE CHOOSE. It is A WAR. I pray that we all can find HOPE in the middle of each STORM. The only way to fail, is to quit. I am NOT quitting, there's too much at stake, and God has invested too much into my life. Remember all HE HAS done, and ALL HE HAS brought you through. Focus on HIS GOODNESS, HIS LOVE, HIS PATIENCE... Press on towards the prize no matter how difficult your season is.